🔒 Privacy Policy (LOL) 🔒

Welcome to our totally private and secure web app. By accessing this page, you have already agreed to our privacy policy, which—let’s be honest—you weren’t going to read anyway.

📡 What We Collect (Spoiler: Everything)

Here at The All-Seeing Data Harvesting HQ™, we log literally everything about you. And when we say everything, we mean:

• 📍 Your IP address (yes, even that VPN won’t help you, buddy).
• 💻 Your browser, OS, device model, screen resolution, and whether your laptop battery is about to die.
• 🕵️ Your browsing history, Google searches, and those "incognito mode" sessions you thought were private.
• 📧 Your email content, drafts, spam folder, and your mom’s Facebook messages.
• 🔐 Your passwords, even the ones you stored in a so-called "secure" password manager.
• 🗺️ Your real-time location (yes, even if your GPS is off, we're just that good).
• 🖐️ Your fingerprints (we have our ways).
• 🗳️ Your political views, because why not?
• 💖 Your romantic interests, dating history, and top three celebrity crushes.
• 😴 Your deepest dreams, fears, and unresolved childhood traumas.
• 🧬 Your DNA profile (don’t ask how, but we have it).
• 📞 Your text messages, call logs, and how many times you've ignored your grandma's calls.

💰 What We Do With Your Data

We use all this juicy info for highly ethical purposes, such as:

• 📈 Selling it to the highest bidder (obviously).
• 🤖 Training an AI that will one day replace you at your job.
• 💣 Sending you personalized ads for products you don’t need but suddenly crave.
• 🃏 Blackmailing you with your worst search history (just in case we need leverage).
• 🎯 Crafting creepy targeted ads that make you wonder if your phone is listening.
• 🎥 Releasing a documentary about your life (working title: "The Algorithm Knows Best").

🙅 Opting Out (Haha, Good Luck)

Want to opt out? That’s cute. You can try deleting your account, switching to Linux, wrapping your phone in tinfoil, or moving to an off-grid cabin in the woods. But we’ll still find you. 🛰️

🎭 The Illusion of Security

We take security very seriously. That’s why we have military-grade encryption… until we conveniently forget to use it. But don’t worry—your data is only accessible to our highly trusted team of:

• 👨‍💻 Underpaid interns.
• 🦹‍♂️ A shadowy figure known only as "Carl".
• 📂 That one guy who left his laptop at a coffee shop.
• 🌍 Literally anyone who asks nicely.

👋 Final Thoughts

In conclusion: You have no privacy, and you never did. Now, let’s stop pretending. Enjoy your stay on our site, and remember: The Internet never forgets. 🤡